A good percentage of Christian parents wonder what will happen once their children grow up and leave the house. Some of them worry that regardless of how well they have done in raising their children, there is the inevitability of rebellion of some kind or another. Is it as inevitable as some parents think? Is this kind of defeatist mentality destined to become a self-fulfilling prophecy? Can rebellion be avoided?
Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach addresses these questions and more in her book, “Why I Didn’t Rebel.” As a young adult who has managed to avoid rebellion, she writes from her own experience and shares not only that experience but the experiences of others, both good and bad. Lindenbach mixes her experiences, the experiences of others, and the insights of some professionals as well as she tries to disprove that rebellion is as inevitable as many have made it out to be.
From the start, Lindenbach defines rebellion as not necessarily rebellion against parents or earthly authority but against God. She says that questioning authority is not necessarily a bad thing, it’s where that questioning leads people that’s important. In her own experience, that questioning led her to come to her own conclusions in a healthy and constructive manner.
Much of what Lindenbach shares in “Why I Didn’t Rebel” is about contrasts. She shares some extreme cases that have resulted in wayward children. When rules are embraced over reasons, children have rebelled. Reasons encourage growth and personal responsibility versus rules simply mandating behavior. This kind of behavior management is about performance rather than heart.
Lindenbach shares that communication is essential as well. Opening lines of communication between parents and children is essential. The intention of that communication needs to be about getting to know your children rather than simply getting information from them. When parents create space for their kids to share openly without fear of repercussion, the likelihood of rebellion was diminished.
Healthy and reasonable expectation setting was also important to Lindenbach and many of those whose experiences she shares. A willingness of parents to admit not only their own faults and imperfections but also the faults and imperfections of their children was important to avoid rebellion. Parents who had unreasonable expectations for their children would often raise children whose own self-awareness was so skewed that rebellion seemed inevitable as well.
It’s hard to refute the logical way that Lindenbach shares her information. Multiple times while reading “Why I Didn’t Rebel” I felt as if she was oversimplifying things. After all, Lindenbach is writing from her own experience of being raised as a child, not from raising children of her own. It’s easy to retrospectively look back and speculate on the reasons and rationale for why a child turned out the way that they did. It’s a completely different thing to speak from the experience of having raised children who didn’t rebel.
It would have added a different perspective to this book had Lindenbach’s own parents offered some insights along the way. Although her mom is an author and blogger herself, she shares no insights in the book. While Lindenbach may have avoided adding her mom’s voice in order to establish herself, I think her mom’s voice may have added validity to the opinions and views that she shares throughout this book.
That’s not to say that “Why I Didn’t Rebel” isn’t worth the read. I thought it was worth the read. Lindenbach’s voice is not the only one shared here, as mentioned before. She offers insights from others who have and who have not rebelled. She also offers the insights from psychologists and others who had a professional perspective.
A lot of what Lindenbach shares in “Why I Didn’t Rebel” aligns with the research done by the Fuller Youth Institute that led to the Sticky Faith movement. That bodes well for “Why I Didn’t Rebel.” In some ways, “Why I Didn’t Rebel” felt like a more organic version of “Sticky Faith.”
For anyone seeking to steer around the rebellion that may seem inevitable for their children, “Why I Didn’t Rebel” is worth the read. Lindenbach does adequate research and presents enough practical experience of her own and her peers to prove that rebellion may be much more avoidable than they have believed.
(This review is based upon a copy of this book which was provided free of charge from Booklook Bloggers. These opinions are my own; I was not required to write a positive review, nor was I compensated for this review.)