Top 10 Things I Never Thought I’d Have to Say to My Kids

oops i said itParenthood is an adventure.  That may be an understatement, especially if you are the parent of multiples, more than one child, or aliens…..well, sometimes the kids seem like aliens.

If I had a recorder to capture every funny phrase or comment, I think we could easily take some of the top prizes on America’s Funniest Home Videos.  After all, have you noticed that the winners on that show are rarely funny.  My life almost seems like America’s Funniest Home Videos at times.

All that being said, here are the top 10 phrases that I never, ever, ever, ever thought that I would have to utter to my children and yet which have somehow found their way out of my piehole!


1. Boys, you don’t pee on each other in the shower.

2. Boys, we don’t grab each other THERE….

3. Boys, it’s inappropriate to sniff each other’s butt.  You aren’t dogs.

4. Boys, we wait until we’re actually in the McDonald’s bathroom before we pull our pants down to use the potty.

5. Boys, fly swatters are for killing bugs, not for brushing your sister’s hair with.

6. Boys, how much toilet paper do you really need when you go to the bathroom? (or Have we sufficiently showed you how to wipe your behind?)

7. If Mommy comes back there, do you think you can pee in a bag (said while driving in the van on a road trip)

8. Because I said so (this could very well be the kiss of death for every parent to signify that, yes, they have indeed turned into their mother/father)

9. When I was your age, we used to….. (nearly as big of a kiss of death as #9)

10. Forks were meant to get dirty at meals, not hands.


I am sure that there have been about 1000 other statements that have equaled these, but these were the first ones that came to mind.  Feel free to comment and add your own…….help me to know that I am not alone.

One thought on “Top 10 Things I Never Thought I’d Have to Say to My Kids

  1. Pingback: Bill Foote's Answer to Funniest Things Kid Has Done |

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